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In last month's article I began a series of studies on, "Extreme Makeover, Home Edition," with a Biblical application. After The Blueprints For Your Dream Home, I began with the Foundation of Your Dream Home, which is Communication. As I See It, Communication is the first step of continuing to build a strong home relationship. We forget about that simple little phrase, "let's talk." Sometimes a husband is more interested in some kind of sports on television than simply listening to a wife that has been dealing with the children or some problems she needs to discuss. Of all the years in counseling with couples that seems to be one of the key components. We don't take time to listen and to talk about it, and talk about a lot.

We need to Communicate With Personal Talk. In Song of Solomon chapter 5, verse 2, it is evident this couple had a lot of personal talk. Our spouse should be very special to us! That personal talk should be with special names like, honey, sweety pie, darling, baby doll, or darling, etc. However, it is very easy to use these little simple sweet expressions when we are at the beginning of our marriage, but what about the long trip into life. It does not matter if we have been married a few weeks or 50 years, personal communication continues to be on top of the list as we build our dream homes. These little sweet expressions means, "you are special to me," and "I really care about you." Another strong point is not only talking, but "listening." Again, in Song of Solomon 2:10-11, it's speaking of spending time together. We should always be very attentive and listen to what our spouse is saying. Women never lose their desire to be dated by their husband. Take time to get away together. Not just a shopping mall. A true get-away somewhere to keep the romantic fires burning. I know this was long ago in the Bible, but Song of Solomon is speaking about, "go to the field, lodge in the villages, see the flowers, eat the grapes." A married dating formula is: Learn to talk daily, Learn to date weekly, Learn to retreat quarterly, Learn to vacation annually.

We should also Communicate with Positive Talk. Colossians 4:6 "let your speech be always with grace.....seasoned with salt." Positive talk brings out the flavor in a marriage, (like salt), also the preservative quality. This causes acceptance, which builds trust, and trust builds intimacy. Intimacy is a flower that can only grow where there is emotional safety. God wants you to be able to share your dreams, your fears, your failures, your insecurities, your aspirations. Some things you share only with your spouse.

Next, we should Communicate with Passionate Talk. We need to learn to relate to each other on a level we understand, and in special ways. Many times men think the only way to communicate to a spouse is with sex. That may be his "hot button" in communication, but for a woman, their "hot button" is just those simple touches, like a hug, a kiss, a love pat, holding hands, cuddling time. The goal for marriage is to be completely known, yet completely loved. There is no real meaning in physical intimacy until you have emotional, intellectual and spiritual intimacy. Please practice all the above, and next article I will write about "Weatherproofing Your Dream Home."

A personal note, if I may. Our church, Hartwell Baptist, is one that believes in teaching couples and families the things I am writing. Please visit us.

Thomas Trammel

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