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There is a very popular program on television called, "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition." Many families have been lucky enough to be one of the chosen families to have their house get an extreme makeover, which has been to the delight of the entire family. That program brought me to realize that many families need an extreme makeover of their family. Thus, I wrote a curriculum on the realistic subject of a home makeover, and made the statement the program on T.V. should be called "Extreme Makeover: House Edition." A home is in the house, (family). The house is not the home.

In l947 a professor at Harvard University, Carl Zimmerman, wrote a book called, "Family and Civilization." He made the case that the heart of every civilization is the Nuclear Family. That is, a father, a mother and children living under the same roof. He argued a simple premise: If you want to know how healthy society is, put a thermometer in the mouth of the family. He listed Characteristics of a Declining Nation: Quick, easy, no-fault divorces are common, and increase in divorce rates. Elimination of the real meaning of marriage, the priority of same. A promotion of co-habitation over marriage and a looser understanding of family as a solution to social problems. Increased public disrespect for parents and increasing revolt of youth against parental authority. The breakdown of most inhibitions against adultery. Common acceptance of all forms of sexual perversions.

Let's look at the blueprints of your dream home.

The home is God's idea. Genesis 2:18-24 gives us the account of creation of Adam and Eve. In verse 24 "Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh." God made us for relationships, and He made us with relationships in mind. Moses was given direction by God for the family relationships. (Deuteronomy 6:1-3). Parents are to be authentic models. (Character isn't taught, it is caught!) How we live screams so loudly, our kids can't hear what we say! Parents are building a museum of memories, and they will go with us down to the grave. When the Lord is loved passionately by the parents we are not only a model, but also a mirror. When a husband loves his wife and a wife loves her husband, it mirrors the love God has for us. When a husband forgives his wife and a wife forgives her husband, it is a mirror of the way God forgives us.

The home is where lessons are learned consistently. Refer to Deuteronomy 6:6-9, because parents are not only a model, a mirror, but also a mentor. The home is the child's best class room. Look at all the basic skills you learned at home. Are we substituting that mentor relationship with everything distracting from the parental leading the children atmosphere? Children are like a bar of soap in the shower. If you try to hold them too tight, they will pop out of your hand! Thus, the great need of parents being a real personable mentor.

Next let's look at the foundation of your dream home.

The foundation is communication. Proverbs 18:21 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue; and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." This is an area that needs an extreme makeover. What is the foundation of a happy marriage? Some may give a simple answer such as, being a Christian family. What about couples in unhappy marriages? They may have a deep commitment, and stay married a long time, but unhappy. A recent poll in the LA Times asked 2,000 adults about the main goal in their life. The #1 response was, "to be happily married."

Communication is one of the main keys and should be with Plentiful Talk. A poll stated, "80% of all problems in a marriage stem from poor, unhealthy, or no communication.” In an approximate period of the first seven years in a marriage, the story goes something like, "the first year the husband can't do enough for "Sugar Dumpling," and goes out of his way to help her even when she just has a little sniffle." By the time the seventh year rolls around, the wife has a bad cold, and the husband says, "for Pete's sake stop sneezing, what are you trying to do, give me pneumonia?" Kids come along, and the gap gets wider, and less talk is the evidence of deteriorating relationship. King Solomon wrote more than 1,000 songs. In one of them he says it's all about love, communication, and romance. You can learn more from Song of Solomon than you can from Dr. Phil! Make time to talk, and take time to talk. The average couple spends just 26 minutes a week in conversation.

That's about all the room I have at this time. I'll try to continue this in the next issue. Let's do our best to have An Extreme Makeover, in our home, and as I see it, we'll be much happier.

Thomas Trammel

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